Growing Pains
by misstinarose
Summary: In which Ethan is DFAB. Mostly platonic, maybe a tiny nod to Bethan, Set after the season two finale.
1. Letting people in

"Man I don't know how to tell her this; I mean what if she freaks out on me?"

"Dude, no worries, you guys almost dated, she'll be cool" The two boys sat down at the table, the smaller one was visibly nervous about something.

"What is it? Pinkies swear you guys can tell me anything" Sarah smiled as casually as possible. Whatever was bothering Ethan was obviously of some importance.

"I mean, Benny's right, we almost did date, you can tell me anything" Ethan smiled sheepishly,

"Ok then, well, here's the thing; I wasn't necessarily born, well, a guy" Sarah tried her best to support a blank expression, but she must've cracked because Ethan started to turn to his best friend

"Look I'm sorry I don't know if..." he couldn't finish his sentence before the older girl grabbed his hands

"Look I told you could tell me anything, and you can. I'm glad you told me okay?" He looked visibly relieved.

"I'm having top surgery in a few weeks", he blurted out, and then promptly smacked his forehead. "Ugh I knew I should have waited before I said anything"

Benny turned to him, mouth agape, "DUDE you didn't even tell me about that! What the hell?" He lifted his head from the table and stuttered

"Look I meant to but it just kind of...came out. Sorry" "No, I'm happy for you but, why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Hey, so is it alright if I don't care over tonight, not to bring you down or anything but I just have some serious work I need to"

"With what? We don't have any homework and it's Friday, and even if we did you know you wouldn't care"

"I just want to try out some magic-y stuff, hope you don't mind" Ethan knew his best friend, and knew it was something more than that, but decided not to press on the subject.

8 hours later Sarah showed up for her usual babysitting gig, but this time she was more worried about Ethan than about any supernatural mishaps that usually happened

"Look, I'm fine with you. Whatever and whoever you are, just know you can tell me anything."

Ethan sighed and fell into the couch "It's not you it's just I've never been sure now people would react to stuff like that, you know? Not everyone is a vampire who hangs out with a kid who has visions and a barely competent would be sorcerer" Sarah chuckled. "I was born female. there it is I started transitioning while everyone else was going through puberty, so no one would notice. I only took really light shots at home, but lately I've had them twice a day."

"So what did you mean by having top surgery? Like, what is that?"

"Basically just getting my breasts reduced, since even though I started testosterone so early they still came in, just smaller. that's why I have a binder" he paused and laughed "Look I know all of this is a lot-"Sarah stopped him in his tracks

"Like you said, I'm a vampire who hangs out with a kid who has visions and a would be sorcerer, why would this -" she made a gesture towards him "freak me out?' she laughed, in an attempt at lightening the mood.

"You're right, what am I even worrying so much about" he yawned "If you don't mind I'm just gonna go read upstairs and call it a night? I've been super tired lately"

She scooted over on the couch slightly 'No big deal, it's pretty dead all around, besides Jane and I have some cookies to make" Sarah exchanged a smile with Ethan's younger sister "don't we?"

"Right" Jane nodded aggressively.

"So… I guess you're fine?" Sarah smiled nervously at Ethan, who was already halfway up the stairwell.

"Yep, I'll be alright" Ethan shrugged and proceeded up to his room.

At the end of the night, after Jane had gone to bed, Sarah decided to check in on Ethan. After all, she may have been there just to watch after Jane but Ethan was still one of her best friends. She walked up to find his doorway halfway open, his computer still on and a book open next to him, lying under the covers fast asleep.

_Well, _she thought, _he really wasn't lying when he said he was more tired than usual. _She took it upon herself to shut down his computer (after saving everything he had worked on), put a bookmark where he had left off in his book, and pull his blanket up to his chin. He rolled over, a contented smile on his face, almost gratefully, as Sarah walked out of the room to rest on the couch downstairs and watch a movie while she waited for their parents to get home.


	2. Preparing

The Morgans came home from their usual date night to find Sarah cleaning up the mess from her and Jane's cupcake making adventure.

"Let me help" Samantha offered. Sarah had gotten most of the mess but there was still some cupcakes batter splattered on the stove that was giving her grief.

"Thanks Mrs. Morgan. Everything was fine, as usual. Ethan's been acting kind of strange lately though-"she trailed off.

"He's just been going through a lot lately. I think preparing for all of it has been a little much even for him." Samantha explained.

"Yeah he started to tell me about some stuff I wasn't really sure how to take it all in." Sarah tried to explain but she couldn't exactly get the words right.

"I'm proud of him. He's been through a lot in the last few years, and I know this surgery will make it easier for him"

Sarah nodded. But why hadn't he told her about any of it? He literally watched her turn into a fledgling, and later saved his life even though it meant turning into a full vampire. It meant he trusted her no matter what, she realized.

"Anyway" Samantha got out her wallet "Thanks for coming over" she handed Sarah her earnings.

Samantha headed up the stairs into her oldest son's bedroom. The door was already fully open, but to be polite she knocked gently, knowing that he was fast asleep.

"Ethan, honey" she gently tapped his shoulder, causing him to awaken slightly.

He groaned, turned onto his other side and opened his eyes. "Mom? When did you get home?"

"Just now, honey. Are you feeling alright? Sarah said you've practically been asleep all night." Her forehead creased with concern.

He sat up "It's nothing I've just been freaking out about all of this." he sighed "I mean Benny's known since we were kids but telling Sarah has just been…I don't know. I know she's fine with all of it but" he paused and pursed his lips "What would happen if I told someone and they weren't okay with it?"

Samantha sat down on his bed next to him "Look honey, I'm not going to pretend it's not dangerous to let people know about you and this surgery and the hormone stuff, but I raised you" she gave her son a reassuring smile "I know you know how to judge the people around you, and I admire that. I really do. You have a good heart and a smart mind, and that'll get you through a lot." She gave him a light hug.

"So what's going to happen? With the surgery stuff, I mean?" Ethan asked nervously.

"You mean as far as prepping and medications go?" he nodded. "They're probably going to give you something to help you deal with all of the needles and everything else, and after that it'll be like any other surgery" he was visibly relieved. "And then after that you'll probably spend a day or two recovering, and then you'll be home for the rest of the week"

Ethan laid his head on his mother's shoulder. "I love you."

She put her head on top of his "I know, and I love you more. You know your father and I have tried to help you transition as smoothly as possible"

"I know, and that's why I love you. I'm glad I have you and dad, and even Jane. Well, most of the time." He smiled

"Good. Now go back to sleep and tomorrow we can talk about how you're going to get all of your assignments from your teachers next week so you can do everything while you're gone"

"'Kay mom, g'night"

"Night sweetheart"

Samantha and Ross Morgan always knew their oldest child was different from other kids, to say the least. They had hundreds of stories about how Ethan screeched if anyone put him in a dress when he was only a few months old, or how he, at 3 years old, dressed up in Ross's button up shirts and walked around the house. The most famous of these stories was when Ethan was 3, Ross and Samantha had gone to a banquet in honor of Ross's insurance firm. Ethan was left with a neighbor from down the street, Mrs. Pruit. She brought her pet parrot with her, who attacked the small child when he was playing with a fire truck, one of his favorite toys, but that was usually left out of the story. She was slowly losing what she had left of her eyesight, and went to pinch Ethan's cheeks and told him "What a pretty little girl you are" In response Ethan stomped his tiny feet on the carpet and shouted "I'm a boy!" with a scowl.

When the couple returned home, they asked their son the customary "Did you have fun?" as Samantha scooped him up in her arms.

Ethan reported back "I don't like her. Her parrot tried to hurt me and she called me a girl" he pouted.

Samantha turned to her husband, with Ethan still in her hands, "Well I'm sure the eye patch doesn't help anything" She turned back to Ethan. "Let's get you up to bed in your pajamas?"

He rubbed his eyes with his fists and yawned in response.

A few hours later after Ethan had been put to bed, Samantha laid down, covers still up on her side of their bed, and sighed

"If people still stay he's a girl right now, imagine how bad it'll be when he gets older" Samantha sighed.

"When he was born we told each other we would support whoever he wanted to be, without hesitation. If he thinks of himself as a boy, he's a boy." Ross responded curtly.

"I know but that's not what the world is going to think. I want him to be who he is, but I also want to know he's safe and happy"

Her husband nodded in response. "We both know this isn't some kind of phase, so what are we going to do when he's older?"

"I mean hopefully if we just keep calling him by masculine pronouns and buying boy's clothes it won't be a problem." Samantha mused. "But what about when he hits puberty?"

"I guess that's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it." Ross shook his head lightly, "Kids don't come with directions, that's what everyone said when we had him. There's no way to know how this'll end up."

"I just don't want to screw up and have him hate us for it his entire life. The road to hell is paved with good intentions anyway."

"We just have to let him figure things out for himself, and be there when he needs us. That's it. Now let's get some rest" Ross gently placed a kiss on his wife's forehead.


	3. Meet Your New Best Friend

Two years later, The Morgan family moved back to Samantha and Ross's hometown of Whitechapel. As Ross unpacked the last of his things, he received a call from an old friend of his and Samantha's.

"So I heard you two moved back home. Care to make some time for a couple of old friends?" the voice on the phone questioned.

"Jim Weir! I can't believe it, it's been too long" Ross practically shouted, laughing giddily. "I'm so sorry I haven't called much, there's just been so much with work and Ethan and—" Jim cut him off.

"Don't worry, I get it. With Benny and everything, Celeste and I get it. I mean it's not like you're the only one at fault. Life gets busy."

Ross laughed it off "Just a reflex I guess, so what were you saying about us coming over?"

"Any time's fine, as soon as you get settled. I'm sure Benny would love having someone to play with around here"

Ross hung up the phone and found his wife in Ethan's room, helping him fold his clothes and put them away.

"How would you feel about getting together with some old friends?" He asked with a smirk.

"Which friends are we talking about because if we're talking about your old college friends—"

"No, Jim and Celeste, and we can even take Ethan over and he can play with Benny" Ross ruffled his son's hair "How would you like to go play with a new friend, champ?"

Ethan grinned "Yeah!" He shouted. For a five year old he was surprisingly well mannered, and could get along with almost anyone.

"We can stop over there right after dinner" Samantha agreed. "And I'm sure Ethan will have a wonderful time playing with Benny"

The small family walked across the street to find their old friends and their son, around the same age as Ethan, playing in the yard.

"Ross, you handsome devil!" Jim gave Ross a bear hug "And Samantha, as lovely as the last time I saw you" Samantha blushed slightly

"Amazing to see you again, Celeste" Samantha reached over to give her a hug.

"And this little guy must be Benny" Ross said, noticing the brown haired boy hiding behind his father.

Ross whispered to Ethan "Bud, why don't you go play with Benny?" Ethan nodded and ran over to make a new friend.

He stuck out his hand, and the other boy stared at it with hesitation, but with a slight nudge from his own dad he grabbed Ethan's hand.

"I have some Legos, we can make a castle!" Benny grinned from ear to ear.

"And it can have a drawbridge and a moat and everything" the two boys ran over to play with their blocks while the adults watched them, enamored.

"See, they'll be best friends" Ross punched Jim in the shoulder.

"Like fathers like sons I guess" Celeste giggled. "So what's the occasion?"

"What do you mean?" Samantha asked.

"Why did you move back?"

"I got a new job, and we wanted Ethan to go to the same schools that we all did" Ross answered. "I'll be working mostly from home so I can look after him more"

Jim smiled "Well no matter what, I'm glad we got the old gang back together"


	4. Everything Changes

**A/N Brief warnings for character death, mention of possible suicide, etc. **

At 6 years old Ethan didn't understand death, nor did his best friend Benny. So he was taken by surprise at all of the adults whispering in the Weir's living room while he played with Benny in his bedroom. He couldn't help but notice that the one person who was missing was Benny's mom, while his own mother clutched her stomach, heavy with pregnancy as she was nearly 7 months along, and used his father as guidance to sit down on the sofa. Even then he knew something was wrong, and was too drastic to bring up in front of the two boys. Ethan also noticed that while Benny smiled and made crashing noises with his truck, every so often he would get a sad expression, look down for a moment, and then go straight back to playing. He continued to watch his parents as his mother wiped a tear from her face and his father wrapped his arm around her and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Ethan, bud, we're going to leave now. Tell Benny goodbye and pick up your toys" Ross called into the other room, his tone more somber than usual.

Ethan grabbed his toy car and airplane and moved to say goodbye to Benny. He didn't fully understand why but as he said goodbye he whispered "I'm sorry"

Ross grabbed Ethan and placed him atop his shoulders as they walked across the street towards their house.

"What happened to Benny's mommy?" Ethan asked as they entered the foyer. Ross pulled him onto the couch as Samantha tried to explain.

"Honey, I'm sorry but—"she paused as she gathered her thoughts "Benny's mom isn't… here anymore." Tears started to well up into her eyes "she had an accident and she's gone"

Ross knelt down onto the same eye level as his son "We're going to need you to be extra nice to Benny from now one, because his mommy is gone now."

Ethan nodded but still didn't quite understand. He understood that Benny's mom wasn't coming back, but he wanted to know what happened. He knew he shouldn't ask anyone right now, because everyone was so upset.

A few days later his mother found his suit from in the dresser and helped him put it on. She wore a simple black dress, stretching to cover her stomach, and his father a suit that matched his.

"Listen, Ethan, you're going to have to be as well behaved as possible, okay?"

Ethan nodded in response. As they left for the church Ethan noticed Benny and his father, wearing suits similar to him and his father heading out the door. As everyone filed into the pews a somber feeling hung in the air. No one spoke aloud, instead whispering among themselves. The only ones who seemed to not say a word were Ross, Samantha, Jim and Benny, all for obvious reasons. To Ethan, however, everything just seemed to drag on way too long. All he wanted to do was to go play with Benny outside in the playground.

"Ethan, please stop fidgeting. You can play with Benny when the service is over." His father scolded him.

It only lasted an hour, but it felt so much longer. After it ended they proceeded to the burial grounds, and Ethan felt uneasy. He knew what all of the gravestones meant, and had looked over some of the names and dates. They meant a definite end, and even to a six year old that was abundantly clear. Ethan saw Benny's dad lean over and throw a clump of dirt on the casket, and kneel down and motioned for Benny to do the same, but Benny just shook his head and looked back down at the ground. As they began to lower his mother's casket into the ground, Benny's eyes welled with tears. At least during the service he saw her, but now it was so finite.

It had been almost a year since Celeste's death, when one day in the summer Ross was at home working while Ethan and Jane played on the floor. Ross received a call from a neighbor, and rushed to pick it up.

"Hello? Evelyn? What's wrong?" Ross was worried by the tone of her voice.

"Jim died, Ross" she choked out between tears. "Can you come pick up Benny, and can he stay with you two for a few days?"

"Of course" Ross couldn't believe what he just heard. His oldest friend was dead, only a year after his wife. Fate was cruel in that way "I'll be over in a minute"

Ross knelt down to his oldest son "Benny's going to come stay with us for a few days, alright Ethan?"

Even though he could sense in his father's voice something was wrong, the idea of Benny staying over was exciting to him "Okay. Can we go to the zoo?" Ethan asked. The zoo was his and Benny's favorite place, he loved the aquarium and Benny loved the lion.

"You know kiddo that might be a great idea. I can go pick him up and get Janie's stuff together and then we can all go to the zoo" It was a perfect distraction for both of the young boys.

Ross rushed across to talk to Evelyn "Does anyone know what happened?" he asked the first thing that came to his mind.

Evelyn sighed "The police just came to my door and said he was gone. No one explained how or where yet but I just want to wait to tell Benny. It can't be a coincidence that they died almost exactly a year apart"

"Are you implying you think Jim killed himself? Evelyn with all due respect I'm not sure—"

"I know my son, Ross. And we both know he hasn't been the same since Celeste died" Evelyn went inside to get Benny.

"Hey Benny, how'd you like to go to the zoo with Ethan and Jane?"

"Can we see the lions?" Benny grinned

"We can see whatever you guys want."

Ross grabbed Benny's overnight bag and put it in Ethan's room.

"Boys, be careful with Jane. I'm going to go get our stuff together"

Ethan gently grabbed Jane's tiny fists "See? She can almost walk" he demonstrated for Benny, guiding his little sister around the living room.

Ross pulled a few of her toys into the bag "Okay, let's go." He lifted Jane into her car seat.

As expected, the boys mapped out their trajectory. The most time was spent at the lion exhibit, then the aquarium building. As they approached the dolphin tank Jane started squeeling and kicking her legs.

"I guess we know what someone's favorite is" Ross cooed.

Ethan pointed out all of the different species of fish to her, as she teethed on her teething ring.

After a few hours the boys, Jane, and Ross were all too tired to look at anything else.

Back at home, after Ross set up Ethan's trundle bed for Benny, he sprawled out on the couch next to his wife.

"I don't know what to tell the kid" Ross shook his head. "I can't imagine how hard it could be to lose your mother and father in such a short time"

"Do you think Evelyn's right? Do you think he did kill himself?" Samantha questioned.

"I can't deny that he's been completely different since Celeste died, but I still don't know. He was never the type of person who would but after all that, I can't even tell"

"Well one way or another someone is going to eventually have to tell Benny what actually happened. Be it us or Evelyn. He's practically as much our son now as he was theirs." Samantha said matter-of-factly.

Benny and Ethan were now basically brothers. Not by blood but by chance.


End file.
